Sharing my Full Narrative
My Autobiographical Beginnings
A significant reason as to why I enrolled into the PhD program is largely due to significant pivotal moments that occurred in my life. I describe this journey as “Climbing the Mountain” because what I have and continue to experience is very much described as such. To situate this context, I must start with a broad sharing to my autobiographical beginnings.
My autobiographical beginnings start from the stories of my parents, who modeled for me what effort, persistence and hard work would do. After the Fall of Saigon in 1975, both my parents immigrated to Canada from the war-torn country of Vietnam. My parents did not know each other prior to the Vietnam war. But shortly after arriving in the early 1980s, my parents met each other in Nova Scotia, Canada. Settling in a new and foreign country was not easy. As refugees, there were many caring and supportive people who wanted to help Vietnamese refugees out. But my parents were very proud people. They did not like accepting handouts and wanted to work hard and earn their way through society. My parents both instilled the value of effort and determination despite what adversity one may have.
As the oldest child in my family, I had a very challenging time going to school. I grew up in a household that primarily spoke Vietnamese. Although my parents enrolled me into many pre-school programs so I could pick up and learn English, I was clearly the odd duck in elementary school. Not only did I have a limited ability to speak English, but my at home Vietnamese culture was very different than that of the broader Canadian society.
I came from a poor, single income family. Making friends was difficult. Looking back, I believe this was likely due to the significant cultural differences between my Vietnamese home culture and that of the broader society. In addition to the difference in culture, all the things associated with being poor (e.g., not wearing brand-name clothes or having money to attend social functions) also contributed to this difficulty. My teachers did not know what to do with me and while there were interventions such as resource and guidance support given to me, as a child, I did not understand why I was being treated so differently. The feeling of being different was mostly a negative influence on my life as it not only impacted my self-confidence but also impacted my sense of identity. In essence, when I look back, it felt like I was wandering around aimlessly.
Throughout my childhood, education was the most dominant aspect in my life. Every day, my parents pushed me towards focusing on schoolwork. When I was done, they insisted on me learning more. While this sustained insistence on studying was something that I often resisted as a child, I look back and see the value of such efforts. Reflecting backwards, my parents often instilled the belief that, to escape poverty, education is key to not only financial success but also one’s standing in society. Eventually, through dedication, persistence, and effort, I was able to climb my first mountain and graduate high school with decent grades and with some scholarships.
The spirit of persistence continued to occur in my university career. When I reflect on my past experiences in my undergraduate degree in physics and mathematics, I stumbled along the way. Through such difficulties, my motivation waned, and, in certain instances, I wanted to give up. However, the tools my parents instilled provided the necessary mindset for me to complete my undergraduate programs.
Climbing a New Mountain
Upon finishing my undergraduate studies, I did not want to climb any more mountains. It was challenging enough with my Bachelor of Science (BSc) and navigating the Bachelor of Education (BEd) that I did not feel as if I had the capacity to undertake a Master-level program. While my parents continued to insist that I should consider taking further graduate studies, I was exhausted and wanted to spend more time towards building my career, working with students and honing my craft.
The first three years were challenging. While I attempted to balance at least four different courses within my schedule, I was also involved with extracurricular activities with students. I also had to navigate my interpersonal relationships with other educational staff. Regularly, I felt as if my voice and contributions were not being valued. At first, I believed it was because I was fresh out of school. As a young and early career educator, why would season educators listen to me? Consequently, I chose to embark on my first Master-degree in Curriculum and Instruction at StFX so that it would give me more credibility among my colleagues.
This would be a new mountain to climb as I was scared to death of whether I would successfully accomplish a rigorous program. There, in the first month, I met Dr. David Young. Originally, I met Dr. Young when I was in my BEd program. While he did not directly teach me, he had very pleasant interactions with all of the BEd students. My second Master of Education (MEd) class was with him. Although I felt deeply reluctant, he was very nurturing. He often instilled a deep belief that I would continue to progress and that he believed in my abilities. As a result, I excelled. Therefore, as the MEd program continued, I took every opportunity to sign up for more classes taught by Dr. Young. By 2014, I finished my first MEd program, finishing the climbing of this mountain.
As my educational career progressed, I continued to experience circumstances where I felt my voice and contributions did not matter. I was tired of being looked down upon by my colleagues. While some individuals were dismissive, others had a condescending attitude towards me. I no longer believed it was a matter of seniority. However, more sinister was my position as a visible minority that likely influenced this devaluing. My parents often spoke about how people of color do not have any power in Western society. The only way we will have a sliver of respect is if we have higher educational qualifications than others. It was simply not enough to be parity. Through this experience and, upon completing the first MEd program in 2014, I immediately made the decision to continue into another MEd program (Educational Administration and Policy) at StFX. I started to have a fighting spirit. I would not let myself be beaten or devalued by others. By 2017, I completed my second MEd and realized my potential to climb more challenging mountains.
I would not be climbing difficult mountains if it was not for several incredible individuals, who are now my mentors. In addition to Dr. Young, Dr. Joanne Tompkins and Dr. Wendy Mackey at StFX helped drew out my potential. Their unwavering support, kindness and mentorship brought out a deeper sense of my identity. If it was not for them, I would not be here today. As such, by 2018, I chose to test my potential by embarking on a journey to complete a Master-level thesis—my next challenging climb.
An Emerging Sense of Identity
The Master-level thesis was the opportunity of a lifetime and formed the backbone to why I chose to embark on the PhD journey. My thesis was based on the notion of grit and success. Initially, I held the belief that my story was transferable to others. But it is important to recognize that there is never a singular story: a fact known from Chimamanda Adichie’s TED Talk: The danger of a single story. I lived a childhood where I had a misunderstood sense of classism, marginalization from a dominant society, social isolation and other systemic structures that made it incredibly difficult for me to be successful. I once held the belief that, “If I could do it, why cannot others do it as well?”
For some, the obstacles and barriers may be so insurmountable that one simply cannot move forward. I am somewhat privileged. I had the benefit of both parents being involved and a solid family dynamic that helped alleviate the pain in my life. Such resolve came from the careful parenting and upbringing I had. Yet, others may not have this type of privilege and therefore, there is a danger of generalizing my experiences to others because it dismisses the profound experiences, hardships and stories that are significant with others. This pivotal revelation radically altered my perception within myself and within education. It gave me a heightened sensitivity and mindfulness when supporting students. My sole focus was to support students and their journey towards success. I no longer paid much attention to other critics as I began to observe the incredible impact I had on learners as my learning evolved. By 2023, I successfully defended the thesis and made the decision to attempt another challenging climb, the PhD.
The First Steps in the PhD
Due to the revelations around my Master-thesis, I am no longer fully subscribed to the notion of changing students’ mindsets and personality in order to cultivate success. There are other structural considerations that need to be addressed. Therefore, a major reason why I made it to this point in my life was not only due to a solid family dynamic but also due to the fortunate circumstances where I encountered many mentors that uplifted me along the way. Even though I experienced significant hardships, I still consider myself lucky. However, there are many individuals who do not have such fortunate luck. Participation in the PhD program provides me with an invaluable learning opportunity. Because of this scholarly environment, I can gain the necessary learning and skill to support other learners within my school community. The connections I make and the experiences I gain from other voices are monumental. In the upcoming ‘Moving Forward’ section, I conclude by sharing how all of my artifacts address, not only my ongoing research and professional development goals, but my goals for the future.